Life is Too Short!

Next I would like to book for a night down in Margaret River. Make an adventure of driving down there and back. No planning of activities. Just go and 'wing' it. Make it up as I go. Experience something different, I know this will make me feel uncomfortable...the unknown...but I'm willing to give it a shot! Maybe I'll visit the cheese / fudge / chocolate factories. Go on a wine tasting solo. Dinner at the pub.

My ex had the children Saturday night. I was left hanging, waiting for someone to invite me to do something. Anything. And nothing. Nobody. I felt slightly dejected. But then I started to think, why on earth am I waiting for someone to invite me out? Why aren't I creating these opportunities for myself? 

 

I've been given time, this precious gift and I was leaving it to someone else to decide what to do! How crazy is that! This then lead me to wondering what I would do. What do I want to do with this precious gift? I decided that I needed to spend some quality time with myself. Doing the things I've always wanted to do, dreamed of doing but never had the opportunity or the money. No more making excuses or relying on others for instant 'happiness' that only lasts for short bursts and then leaves me feeling worse than before.

What have I dreamed of doing? Simple things that my lack of time of confidence has stopped me from doing. I can recognize that I have a fear of being alone. And I'm not referring just to having a partner, but being physically by myself. Packing up the car and driving somewhere. Going to the movies, an art gallery.

So far I've decided that I will drive to see my sister in Bunbury, stay the night. While I'm there I will visit my pregnant girlfriend and then drive to the beach, or keep driving until I find an interesting destination. I will stop drag out my art supplies and headphones and spend some time drawing/sketching/painting. 


I want to enroll in a painting course. Learn from an experienced professional who will teach me and inspire me. Show me how to use the appropriate tools and properly! I feel this will feed my creative side and allow me to express my feelings and thoughts in a different way.

I would very tentatively like to enroll in an risque lap dancing or pole dancing course. I say tentatively because this is something a lot of people may not understand - my parents included. This would assist in allowing me to explore myself in a more physical manner. To force myself to be comfortable in my own skin, to love my body and appreciate every curve, stretch mark and lumpy area. If I'm not comfortable and if I don't love my body, how the hell am I going to be comfortable with someone else looking at me, touching me!

Oh the joys of finding oneself!!