Next I would like to book for a night down in Margaret River. Make an adventure of driving down there and back. No planning of activities. Just go and 'wing' it. Make it up as I go. Experience something different, I know this will make me feel uncomfortable...the unknown...but I'm willing to give it a shot! Maybe I'll visit the cheese / fudge / chocolate factories. Go on a wine tasting solo. Dinner at the pub.
My ex had the children Saturday night. I was left hanging, waiting for someone to invite me to do something. Anything. And nothing. Nobody. I felt slightly dejected. But then I started to think, why on earth am I waiting for someone to invite me out? Why aren't I creating these opportunities for myself?
What have I dreamed of doing? Simple things that my lack of time of confidence has stopped me from doing. I can recognize that I have a fear of being alone. And I'm not referring just to having a partner, but being physically by myself. Packing up the car and driving somewhere. Going to the movies, an art gallery.
So far I've decided that I will drive to see my sister in Bunbury, stay the night. While I'm there I will visit my pregnant girlfriend and then drive to the beach, or keep driving until I find an interesting destination. I will stop drag out my art supplies and headphones and spend some time drawing/sketching/painting.
I want to enroll in a painting course. Learn from an experienced professional who will teach me and inspire me. Show me how to use the appropriate tools and properly! I feel this will feed my creative side and allow me to express my feelings and thoughts in a different way.
I would very tentatively like to enroll in an risque lap dancing or pole dancing course. I say tentatively because this is something a lot of people may not understand - my parents included. This would assist in allowing me to explore myself in a more physical manner. To force myself to be comfortable in my own skin, to love my body and appreciate every curve, stretch mark and lumpy area. If I'm not comfortable and if I don't love my body, how the hell am I going to be comfortable with someone else looking at me, touching me!Oh the joys of finding oneself!!
Thank you for your lovely comment tonight.
ReplyDeleteI've had a quick look at your posts.
Did you know (probably not) that I left my first husband when my first 4 kids were aged 1,2,4 & 5? I was alone for about 6 months, and the first time I went out with a girlfriend I met Stew! We have been together for 30 years come September! He adopted my first 4 kids and we went on to have two more, then of course we got Brylee and Griffin too.
Being alone raising kids is hard, and I don't envy you that. I was one of the lucky ones who met and fell in love with someone new fairy quickly.
Visitation: my ex wanted nothing to do with HIS kids and had no contact with them for 25 years, then just decided to contact them out of the blue a few years ago. I have two kids who have chosen to have a relationship with him, and it breaks my heart. Shit happens. You have to go with the flow and try not to let it bugger up your life. Your kids, because they do still see their father, might grow up with a true understanding of what sort of person he is, warts and all. At least they won't be fooled by lies later on, made to make YOU look like a bitch.
Anyway, if you even want to chat... I can relate. stewandchris@hotmail.com